Background: Once you pass age 50, if you have a blog, there needs to be an aging section. As a health teacher, I can tell you that no matter how great the anti-aging crèmes, don’t kid yourself. Aging is one of the body’s natural processes. Suck it up and embrace it. And, so, I include this section.
Pros and Cons of Aging
Each person’s aging journey is of course their own. The pros of aging for me are: 1) I have more time to pursue things I really enjoy–the arts, the outdoors, time with friends and family. 2) Now that I’ve come to terms with aging, I don’t fret about having my hair and makeup perfect before I leave the house as I did in my 20s and 30s. While I try not the scare the checkout clerk at the grocery store, it’s freeing to be me, without mascara and eye shadow if I so choose for the day. These pros are well worth the years ticking by. The four main cons of aging for me are:
This body that houses my soul is breaking down. I can’t dance, jump and run with total abandon anymore or I’ll likely injure myself. Winter ice is more slippery now, and if I would fall, recovery is longer. In addition, with every passing year my shape is shifting into a weird grandma configuration of spreading arse, grandma tummy, turkey neck, gravity breasts, batwing arms…the list goes on and nothing is uplifting. But, once I confronted the mirror and gave myself permission to accept that aging is this natural process called life, and that I truly am what I am on the inside, not the outside, I have been more at peace with aging. I do try to look put-together. But rather than obsessing over trying to get my 40 year old breasts, tummy and arse back, I simply buy clothes that are as flattering as possible and I don’t worry about it. I do keep exercising and eating healthy. Excess weight is the fastest way to an early grave.
Bits of memory are beginning to elude me. This loss of memory, to use a street term, sucks. I sometimes can’t remember memorable events anymore, like how a friend and I met, or who a person was in my past, or events my children can remember but I can’t pull it up from my brain files. I checked, I don’t have early dementia. No, it’s just the graying of the brain cells. To all of us who are aging, do what you can to keep your brain fit. For me it’s reading, conversation, and games, yes brain games—solitaire, word, and math computer games, all these keep the brain cells exercising. And get out those old photo albums and document, document. That’s all one can do…
My Fearlessness is Diminishing. When I was young, even into my 30, 40s and 50s, I was fearless! I could take on and tackle any challenge I set my mind, too. When I turned 60 I noticed my fearlessness is not what it used to be. A recent house sale and move and buying a new home, caused me some anxiety, which in my past was never an issue. I prayed my way through it and I handled it OK, but I am perplexed as to why this happens as we age? I saw this in my Dad, he was more timid as he aged. I’ve investigated the possibilities and it appears it is just an aging brain thing, but I do not like this part of aging. Aging is a natural part of life, but, honestly, some of it is not fun.
The last con of aging for me is time… Time is rushing by, and I have sooo much to do yet! My inspiration for aging is my Dad. He’s passed on now, age 83, but at age 80, he survived an 11 cm dissecting aortic aneurism surgery. He healed and got out of bed every day ready to enjoy another day. His bones were much older than mine, and he was active daily. He inspired me! To honor him and myself, I exercise daily and practice a healthy diet. My goal is to be as active as he is when I’m his age. Take care of ourselves—and we can make that goal of being active at 80 and beyond!
On the other hand, when aging confronts me, as it often does now, it feels good to write about it with a sense of humor….see news alerts. Embrace the journey; it’s the best option.
Dealing With Illness as We Age
As a former health teacher, I eat healthy, exercise daily, don’t smoke and rarely drink. When I started this blog, because I practice a healthy lifestyle, I envisioned not having any health problems until sometime in my 80s as a consequence of aging. How wrong I was. At age 59, Sept 1, 2018, while camping at a lake during Labor Day Weekend, I suddenly had searing chest pain like I’d never experienced. I ran out of the camper and called for help. Fellow campers called 911 and I was ambulanced to the local hospital, then life-flighted to KU Medical Center in Kansas City to immediately undergo life-saving open heart surgery ro repair an aortic dissection. My family and my best friends sat vigil in the OR waiting room during the eight hour surgery. God decided he didn’t want me yet, and I survived surgery, joining the zipper club with a nine inch incision down my chest. I was blessed, as many don’t survive a dissection and I didn’t have complications from the surgery. It was in part because I was in such good health that I survived surgery with no complications.
My dissection was due to bad genes in the form of weak aortic tissue and high BP that runs in the family. If you have any family member who passed on because of an aortic aneurism, and you have a family history of high blood pressure, demand your doctor order a heart sono and/or CT scan, asap, and never skip your BP meds. Also eliminate stress from your life–work,family, self, etc. If you have an undiagnosed aneurism, stress can cause your BP to spike, which can cause your aneurism to burst and your aorta to dissect. All your general practicioner has to do is say he/she hears a heart murmer and insurance will pay for the CT scan. Caught early, you can have scheduled surgery to fix the anuerism before it bursts, instead of emergency surgery like mine.
Just like cancer and other possible deadly illnesses, if you experience a major medical event, it hits you hard. Prior to my dissection, I’d had friends who’d survived cancer and I supported them during their fight, but you really can’t know what it’s like to face death until it happens to you personally, or your spouse, best friend, or other close family member. Dealing with possible death gave me an immediate wake up call to life and what precious little time I have left on this earth. I’m not afraid to die, but I have grandkids to love and a lot of living to do and I’m not ready to go anytime soon! After recovering from my surgery, when I quit being scared of dying in my sleep every night, I stopped waiting to die and started living again.
If you or your partner has been hit with a grave illness you know exactly of what I write about. If you haven’t had to deal with a serious illness yet, kudos to you. If you are practicing a healthly lifestyle, continue that, especially exercising and eating healthy. If you are not practicing healthy eating and exercise, it’s never too late to start. No excuses. Don’t put your family through hell and be a burden to care for because you didn’t take care of yourself. Even healthy people like myself can be hit with a life-threatening illness, but recovery from such an illness is easier and more successful without complications when you take care of yourself in the first placel.
The most difficult health issue as we age is weight gain as weight gain is the number one cause of type two diabetes and heart disease, and affects other health issues as well. If you were not taught how to eat healthy during your childhood, your eating habits are ingrained in you from childhood. But EVERYONE can change. I grew up in a German family and the food was meat and potatoes every meal, and I have a sweet tooth so I was always hunting for dessert in the form of cookies, icecream, etc.
My first husband was American-Japanese and it is through him and my mother-in-law that I learned to cook and eat in a healthy manner. Still I struggled at times as I am an emotional eater and I always will be. But, once I made the decision that I would eat only to fuel my body, and I ruled food, food didn’t rule me, for the last twenty years I have been able to eat in a healthy manner and not gain weight as I age. Make the mental commitment to only eat for fuel for the body and don’t let food rule you. You rule food, and add daily exercise to your life with something as simple as walking a mile or two a day. If you have grandkids, you can then enjoy the time you have left with them to the fullest and not become a burden to your families. If you don’t have any grandkids, adopt the nieghbor kids. They and their parents will love it!
Making Medical Decisions as We Age
All my life I’ve made decisions–what college to attend, what career to take, who to marry, to have children, what friends to have, what hobbies to enjoy, etc. Along the way, I made medical decisions as well—a tummy tuck after having twins at age 34, an eye lift at 60, and now at 61 stem cell injections in my knee to reduce arthritis and postpone getting a new knee. The only reason I considered it, was a friend of mine who is a doctor had the same procedure done on her knee and she had excellent results. Since she’s a doctor, I figured she’d researched the procedure well before deciding to do it. The procedure is expensive and insurance doesn’t cover it. But, on the east and west coast, many athletes with injuries are having the procedure done with good results. One never knows for sure with a new medical procedure if you are making the right choice or not. All you can do is make the decision and hope for the best. If the procedure is a success, it’s money well spent. If the procedure fails, that’s one less vacation you won’t be taking and you hope you don’t come up short at retirement’s end. That is all you can do. Look at all of the evidence, take a deep breath, make the decision and pray. Then fate will have its way…
NEWS ALERTS ON AGING
Woman Trips, Crashes Breast into Arm of Couch
Damn, when did it become that I’d trip and not be able to right myself? After age 50 I guess. The other day I tripped over curtain rails on the floor in my office waiting for installation (rails now moved). Instantly, my body went a flailing, my knees hit the carpet, and my right breast, leading the upper half of my stout German/English frame, slammed hard into the pointy arm of the couch: @#@#$– aged cursing. Physics wise, a significant force drove the right side of my body into the couch arm. Breast injuries, not unlike testicle injuries for males, hurt! My knees would make it, but my breast required immediate ice, and it and my psyche, two ibuprofen. What I did not know at first is that I hit so hard I bruised a rib. How do I know this? If you have ever bruised or cracked a rib, you know it. Pain to breathe, pain to sleep, pain when you move the wrong way too quickly; you live with the pain until the injury is healed. And, all this from a breast into a couch arm, caused by tripping. It is official. After 50, we are more prone to fails. For me, it’s one of the cons of aging. But what is a person to do? Step carefully, keep pain relievers on hand, and maintain a sense of humor and your doctor’s number in your cell phone. “Help! I’ve fallen and I smushed my boob!”
And Now the Other Breast…Seriously, the Rest of the Story
Two years after my right breast crash landed on a sharp couch corner due to tripping, I then assaulted the left breast on a paved road, in Greece, no less. It was a lovely afternoon. I had taken my daughter to Greece as her college graduation gift, a mother-daughter trip, her idea. We were on the island of Santorini, staying at Caveland, walking to the beach, where we had to cross a new paved road with curbing. My daughter, walking slightly ahead of me popped up on the curb and started tightrope walking the curbing. Ah, that is so fun, I said to myself! I remember doing that when I was 20, and so I popped up on the curb also. “Warning, Danger, Will Robinson, Danger,” (you 50-somethings should get the reference). Eight steps in, I tripped on a rebar, my body went a flaying, and the left side of my body planted hard unto the pavement, rendering my left breast, shoulder and knees all blue and purple and scraping up my hands and forearms as I tried to stop the momentum. Note to self: quit trying to do after 50 what you did at 20: just quit! That is rest of the story of the other breast. The outcome was my left breast healed, thank goodness, but I was left with a nice right forearm scar to remind me to never tightrope walk again.
Couple Seizes Up in Dining Booth
From early on through my 40s, I slid in and out of diner booths like a lizard navigating a silk glove. Cozying up in a booth for a meal is so much more relaxing and comfortable then sitting in chairs. In and out, in and out, I was a booth master! Then came age 55. I have friends, a favorite couple I dine out with and we always cozy up in a booth. We laugh, talk and celebrate, but in the time it takes us to eat our bodies become stone. The bill comes and we creak, shift, wait, creak, slide, stand up, and wait until blood flow hits all extremities so we can them amble off to our cars. I used to look over at old people exiting booths and think, ah that could be my grandma or grandpa. Now I am that grandma. The soul still feels 40, but our bodies are heading downhill for the count …
Embrace Those Who Keep You Ticking
My Dad at 80 lamented, “half of my life now is spent monthly going to doctor’s appointments.” It is true that for many people who get to 80 that doctor appointments take up more of our time. My Dad, after miraculously surviving aneurism surgery, when he was alive, had no less than six doctors who kept him ticking. They were: generalist, heart, lung, eye, spine specialist, and chiropractor and I say thank God. The generalist, in team with his heart doctor, regulated his meds to keep his heart at optimum operational power. His lung doctor monitored his asthma meds that kept him breathing easy. His spine specialist provides shots in his neck that provided significant relief from severe upper back pain from his advanced arthritis that caused constant pressure on his L4 and L5, causing almost daily headaches. His eye doctor kept his macular degeneration in check and his chiropractor provided gentle overall body alignment that provided him greater ease of movement.
Yes, going to these appointments took time, but my Dad’s medical entourage allowed him to have a better daily quality of life. He enjoyed his family and friends and gave thanks that every day on this earth was precious and exhilarating.
When I get older (defined as 80+) I vow now to embrace and celebrate the medical cadre I’ll collect who’ll keep me ticking. I will strive to be a model patient by asking questions and following directions, but even equally important I want to give back to my doctors as well. I will inquire about how their day is going and bring some humor to their day. At the end of each appointment I will thank them for their expertise and service. I will pray for them and their families and the clinics and their staffs. Growing old isn’t for sissies; it is a life process that is purposeful. Hopefully, each time doctors treat us they grow in their wisdom and experience that they can pass on to other patients. And so the life circle turns…
When Aging Hits the Knees
It happens at different ages. For me it was age 57. When I turned 57, I took my daughter to Greece as her graduation present and came home and my left knee started hurting, all the time. The more I walked the more I hurt. An MRI revealed a substantially torn meniscus, one of the knee parts that keeps the knee working smoothly. And, the kicker is, my doc said the tear was just a result of aging and heredity because an uber athlete I never was. No worries, a simple 45-minute, out-patient surgery, meniscus repair, three long, boring, days cooped up in the house with crutches and seven weeks of ginger walking and I was back to myself. Oh joy, I can’t wait for what aging has in store for me on my next birthday!
From Elastic Pants Back to Elastic Pants.
I am not the first to observe this, and so being universal it must be included in my blog as well. As toddlers our moms bought us elastic waist pants, easy to get off and on and so comfortable for a roaming, active toddler. As we age, we revert back to toddlerhood again as elastic waist or stretchy pants are so easy to get off and on and are so comfortable for roaming, active seniors! I find this regression funny, but also comfortable and soothing, and so it is…
Fighting the Christmas Curmudgeon in Me
It’s happened. I’ve started to get curmudgeonie around Christmas: Christmas costs too much, why can’t my children be with me every Christmas, why does Kansas have to be cold in the winter, why do I feel like Grouchie Cookie Monster from Sesame Street? I love Christmas; the music, the joy, the love, or at least I used to love it a lot. Since my children are adults and I don’t celebrate Santa coming anymore, Christmas has lost some joy for me. Perhaps having a grandkid will bring back the JOY!
Postscript: I am back in the JOY of Christmas! In 2018 my son and daughter-in-law had a healthy baby boy, my first grandson, and my daughter met a man with a 7 year old daughter, instant bonus grandchild! Thank God for grandchildren; the joy of Christmas is back!
When I Die
I attended the funeral of a dear professor mentor in 2017. She was 88. She passed on in her own home, taken care of by her son and daughter-in-law who moved into her home temporarily when her health declined to the point that she needed 24 hour care. Rather than die in a care home, as my mother did as my father could not care for her, Betsy was able to pass on, surrounded by those who loved her in her own home. At the funeral her son remarked that as her Alzheimer’s took hold, he would read to her from her own memoirs she had written. She’d asked, “who wrote this?” and her son would reply, “you did mom,” “Well I don’t remember writing that,” she’d reply. Those readings brought comfort to them both, having Alzheimer’s and caring for the Alzheimer’s.
Betsy’s passing make me think of where I want to be when it is my time to pass on. Prior to the funeral, I thought that when I can no longer drive a nice senior retirement center would be a nice option. As a social person, I’d have friends my own age and my children could rest easy knowing I was happy and watched over. I think this still may be an option for me. I do know one thing, I do not want to pass on in a medical unit.
I am going to share my thoughts with my son and daughter the next time we meet. I will ask them that when the time comes that death is imminent, if I am in my own home, to please move in with me temporarily and care for me. And, if I am at the senior retirement home, please make room in your own home and move me in temporarily. It likely won’t be long and I want to be surrounded by love. Hire help to come in, so you the caregivers can have the needed breaks so you don’t burn out and resent me as a burden. If at all possible, keep me in my own home or yours so I may pass surrounded by love instead of who happens to be working the day or night shift.
My grandmother and mother suffered from Alzheimer’s so I may be in for the same hereditary fate which makes caregiving significantly more challenging. But like Betsy, if my children can do this, that is what I prefer. Put a GPS pet collar around my ankle and if I wonder too far, I’ll learn, just turn the shock on the lowest level, please. And, when I repeat the same question four times, hug me and say, I love you mom, now let’s put on a nice Disney movie for you. And please wipe any spittle as needed and keep me clean, as I kept you clean as two-year-olds.
Becoming a Grandparent
For most of my 50s I was not ready to become a grandparent, and thankfully my young adult children weren’t ready to be a parents either. I’d see other Grammie’s postings on FB. I’d feel happy for them, but I wasn’t ready to be a Grammie. At age 58, contemplating the creep toward 60 and early retirement, I had a ‘what now moment’? What is my role in the universe once I retire? Sure I’ll enjoy retirement and volunteering in the community, but is there more? My son and his wife answered that question for me with an early Christmas gift of a homemade tree ornament with Grandma 2018 written on it. OMG, I was going to be a Grammie! I was so excited for them! Then it hit me; I now had a purpose as a to-be retiree. Not only a purpose, but a solemn job/responsibility to be the best-est, wisest, most loving, fun-est (yes that is a Grammie word) Grammie I could be. Wow. I remember especially when my children were in the 3-6 age range, their brains literally soaking up the universe like a sponge. There was never a dull moment, always daily surprises! This next life chapter should be exhilarating!
Gender Reveal Party. In investigating my new to be Grammie status, I found that many, many things had changed about pregnancy, delivery, baby items, etc., since I was a Mom 25 years ago. One such change was a gender reveal party. How it works is the couple has a sonogram and the sonographer writes the gender of the baby on a card and puts it in a sealed envelope. The couple invites family and friends over, and the gender of the child is revealed in some fun manner and everyone celebrates. Oh by the way, it’s a BOY!