My children are now adults, so I’m not parenting in the moment anymore to be able to share daily parenting successes and fails. Instead in this section I share some of my poetry and prose, written as my husband and I were raising our children.
The Next Four Years of My Life…
Our house is a perpetual state of MESS,
My life ruled by high school sports and their social calendar
And then they will be gone, and I will miss them…..
Teenagers
Surely, I never did that to my parents? Of course I did! Once I reached high school, I didn’t tell my parents squat about my life. My parents, who scraped and sacrificed and bore me from their loins (ewe) were only good for food, shelter, and a car. They hounded me constantly and warned me about stupid stuff for no reason. I worked hard to establish a good relationship with my children. And now as a parent of teens, I make a point to only hound and warn when needed. But to what avail? Their Dad is out of town for the next ten days for work so I’m the sole parent to two good, but highly non-communicative, sully, adolescents. The best course of action for me is to provide food, shelter and a car, and beyond that forget them. Pretend I don’t love them with every cell in my body, these alien beings mooching my income and sucking the lifeblood out of me. Pretend I don’t pray daily for their swiftest guardian angels to watch over them. Pretend it doesn’t hurt when they won’t share even tiny morsels of their lives with me, but answer only in grunts and snarls. Where did my adorable children go? I know this is a natural process, and we’ll appreciate each other again when they pupae into adults. For now, my goal is to survive the next three years and then ship their butts off to college! Goodbye. Si-a-na-ra. Come back to visit when you’re 30. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. But you know I love you to the moon and back…
When you grow up, what will you remember from your childhood? …riding your ponies up and down the road… picking up litters on the way to the neighbors to visit for toys and candy…your tree-house….your bikes…. layering yourselves in mud….jumping to halleluiah on the trampoline…stargazing and snuggling on the trampoline,… fishing at the pond…walking down the farmers road to the creek and exploring as far as back as you could go… throwing stick or running with Lucky…getting on the school bus for the first time… redecorating your rooms….the snowstorm ski trip,…the day you never had to ride the bus again….cleaning out the red truck because it was going to be yours to share and drive…that Santa always came to your house on the 24th instead of the 25th so you could have your own family Christmas before visiting the relatives…that when your college semester break comes around, there will still be stockings and candy canes waiting for you at home for Christmas…
Reverse Nesting
Before my children were born, about half way through the pregnancy, as all the mom-to-be books predicted, I started nesting. I created a nursery, and arranged and rearranged my recipe box, picture albums, refrigerator, stove, sink, cupboards, drawers, closets, car trunk, garage, barn, basement, attic, bathroom, bedroom, laundry room, living room, and all aforementioned nooks and crannies –leaving no space unturned. Then I birthed.
Exactly eighteen years later, my twins are six months from graduating high school, and I am reverse nesting. I am fashioning me a sunroom, and I am sorting, throwing out and thoroughly cleansing all manner of excessive flotsam and jetsam from my recipe box, picture albums, refrigerator, stove, sink, cupboards, drawers, closets, car trunk, garage, barn, basement, attic, bathroom, bedroom, laundry room, living room, and all aforementioned nooks and crannies –leaving no space unturned. Awe, reverse nesting. Freeing!
Losing My Son
I had dinner with my son and his girlfriend tonight. My little boy is gone. This is a surprise to me, as I was never the over clingy parent – I always had my career, my friends, my life. But it is better for me not to have dinner with them for a while. Maybe the first of October, again. That would be good. When the leaves need raked. I am just mourning and this too shall pass. Maybe it is the upcoming holiday weekend ahead. Maybe it is just life. It is not like a death. I know he is there, but he is not mine anymore. He is hers. So, I have to look ahead to my life… You only raise them for 18 years… then you let them go… Loss sucks. It just sucks. It’s not the good part of life. And what am I even crying about? My sister is seeing her son off to Kuwait for a year. “You have to keep passing the open windows…” (Irving, Hotel New Hampshire) Look ahead – make new plans.., wait till they come back around. I am his mom, but he does not want to hang around me. Oh hell, I will be fine, it just takes a while getting used to; for me probably a year. Crying is good; crying gets the tension out… I needed to write and cry tonight. I have not cried for a while. They are already having friends over at their apartment; and they seem very happy together. I just want him to be happy.
Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time there were two birds who met, built a nest, and had two offspring. Pretty soon it was time for the offspring to fly the nest. Boy bird moved out to nest with his high school sweetheart. Mama bird took girl bird and deposited her at college as all good bird offspring spread their wings. Then Mama bird came home to the nest, cleaned it, and started a new life. It was veryyyyy quiet, and she missed her little birds. Mama bird worked at home and so she cried while working and it was veryyy quiet. She liked the quiet and the clean, but she missed little birds… and she knew it would get better. J And, it would. The secret was to keep busy and keep writing… and make a list of to-do projects, because the farm needed a lot of work…. And so it was and Mama bird did things with friends, but she thought of her little birds a lot… but it was OK, because this is how it is meant to be. Give them wings to fly
Postscript: Now four weeks later… Mama bird lovesthe always clean nest and peace and quiet. Mama bird is dating Big Bird, going out with friends, and enjoying her new life. When little birds comes home, Mama bird still cries when she hugs little birds on Sunday afternoons to go back to college. But then Mama bird gets herself a small bowl of her favorite ice cream, and has the TV remote all to herself again, and all is as it should be…
Post note: There is an old saying that goes, “your daughter is your daughter for life; your son is your son until he marries his wife.” Get to know and cherish your daughter-in-law(s). When your son marries, they are family.